26 January 2011 A Month to A Year

26 January 2006 A Month to A Year

Today is my little sister's birthday, which marks a month before Sethia's birthday.

I think little people of half-year old and on the verge of turning one are a delight to be around. Their personalities are blossoming, these little people are developing so intensely, and the spectacles that they do are interesting for them as well as for those around them. Sethia does that to me; everyday is a delight. :)

He learned to flip, wriggle his butts in preparation to crawl, stand, cruise, and finally to stand on his own. I learned to fight knee-jerk reactions and get steady nerves as he learned, and as he became more confident and skillful in his inquiring endeavours to roam the house and its contents, I too learned to enjoy this little fellow who followed me everywhere - even to the toilet. :)

Waking up time is often a joy. I am always welcome with a grin as I enter the bedroom upon hearing his call. As if the reunion after every daily nap is a grand affair. Can anyone fall in love all over again every time he sees you? Sethia does that to me. :)

Waking hours are much joy too as he "participates" in many household activities. I love how he clings on to my legs as I cook; I love how he unloads with passion the basketful of laundry ready to be hung, I love how he finds his own sock in the basket, carries it everywhere with him (in his mouth as he crawls!) and refuses to give it back as if he has found a treasure; I love how he debates animatedly with a doll, and laughs gleefully as he tosses the doll about >.<; I love how he waves and says bye to his own reflection when he passes by a mirror. I love being with this little man. :')

As he approached his seventh month, I was mindful of what other mothers warned me: stranger anxiety. But the eight month had been here, ninth month, and so on, and this anxiety never came. My son looks forward to parties, enjoys the company of a crowd, and loves any encounters on the road and at the bus stops and in the supermarkets, sometimes to his complete confusion when he gets cold responses. Well, in my opinion, adults who do not respond to any enthusiastic baby saying a hello do it to their own loss, not to the baby's at all - don't you think so, too? ;)

His past routines were a little disrupted as he became more mobile. Days were quite hectic then: no regular nap times, no meals were finished, etc. I am thankful that this happened mostly when my sister, Yoanna, was around with us for about a month; God does send His help most timely! :) People said it was the excitement and energy spent for the new-found abilities and tasks, and the child would finally adapt. I have been watching and waiting, and I am quite certain new routines are developing, and all the calm is slowly back again.

With our second child making her way home soon, God willing, I tremble a bit at the thought how I can possibly love Sethia's little sister as much as I love Sethia, how I can give as much attention to both as much as when I had only one. There is this thing about parents with several children or many, people ask them, "How can you possibly have time for all?" Some will make remarks, "Pity the children, each of them needs her full attention!"

But then I think love is not like a cake that's cut up and portioned out until there is no more. Love grows with each child that's born. I don't take half the love I feel for Sethia and give it to his little sister. A senior mother said, "When one has two children, it does not mean we will be twice as busy, but rather exponentially busier. Every time you add a child to your family, you are not just increasing the total sum - you are exponentially increasing. But then, your love will too." :) I would like to add, "Yes, amen, by His grace alone."

This reminds me of what I wrote about God's love sometime back: "This is probably one of the hardest things for me to comprehend. In my competitive world, I am so used to thinking in terms of 'more' and 'less' that I cannot easily see how God can love all human beings with the same unlimited love while at the same time loving each one of them in a totally unique way. Somehow I feel that others' election involves my rejection, that others' uniqueness involves my commonness. Somehow I think I can only fully enjoy my being loved by God if others are loved less than I am - all in my terms."

Yes, the first thing I learned in my short journey of motherhood - of a year, that is - and will continue to learn, is love. The second is, to forget myself. I lost the freedom to do what I want, when I want, in the way I want, but is that really a big loss? I learned to be less self-absorbed and forget about my needs, and put this little person above me. The next is, to be softer, more tender, more sympathizing towards other mothers. I am sure other mothers will understand and relate to this.

Lastly it is humililty, humility, and humility! That motherhood, besides enriching any willing woman, should humble us. That we are never deserving, we are unable, and we fail, but God's grace is sufficient. If this does not yet humble us, God will make certain it does. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above (James 1:17).

So I await Sethia's first birthday with joy. Then we will be together with our beloved church in Singapore, and celebrating it with families and relatives in Indonesia, God willing. :)