Parting, Meeting, Making Friends

Never shall I forget the partings I have had in my life. They are such a rending thing I shall never want to repeat them.

God Himself has led us to Plymouth. God's leading to us was not so much by any miracles, such as a pillar of fire, an audible voice, an angelic visit, handwriting on the wall. It was by ordinary methods by which in combination God seems to nudge us in the paths of righteousness, through circumstances, commonsense, godly counsel, biblical principles.

Plymouth was God's will, so there was peace in my heart as we prepared to leave Trondheim. But, it did not utterly cancel the pain of parting. It was so depressing to say good-bye.

And then I became quite seriously ill. It was quite plain I had the recurrence of thyrotoxicosis symptoms but I ignored them initially; we were so busy moving from one place and settling down in another. Soon enough the disease developed that I barely had sleep. When I laid down I felt my heart palpitations and noticed tremors in my hands and body. My bowel frequency increased to 4-6 times a day and my eyes watered and burned so much I would rather having them closed. After examination [this was in June] the doctor recommended a minimum of 12-months treatment with anti-thyroid drugs, during which I was advised not to plan to conceive whilst thyrotoxic because of the high risk of miscarriage.

I have not been imagining that I missed Trondheim and its people, have I? :')

With medication, I am slowly regaining my health - and my enthusiasm. And I have also met a few mother-friends.

Our house is at the end of a row of houses, which share a common private pathway away and safe from traffic. Some of our neighbours are families with small children. I have met V, with her three girls, H with a 2.5 year old girl with her 2.5 mths old twin-girls, T with a girl called E who is a little older than Hana, & some older boys and girls who belong to other families. At late afternoon just before "tea" (they call dinner "tea" here :)), the mothers chit-chat while we watch the children play together on the pathway. We are really thankful for the pathway that helps connect people. At toddler-groups in different churches, I met H and R, each with two boys. There is also L and her family of 4 who live in the countryside, and then S, a homeschooling mother of 5, whose homeschooling home I frequent at least once a week. It is not uncommon here to keep the young ones mostly home until they are at least four or five years old, so this presents opportunities for Sethia and Hana to make friends even outside schools/nurseries/child-cares.

I believe a place grew to be special to us because of the memories of friendships that we made. That was why each parting that I had was more painful than one before.

Have we made friends in Plymouth? I remembered I wrote this several years ago, when I met Adi as a friend and brother in Christ:

"Friendship nowadays appears to be a broad and common interest, but it is ones with you which finally urged me to write about it. These friendships I do not make, these friendships I find myself in, these friendships spring. I find them, or rather not I, but the God in me and you. You my friends, come to me unsought, God gave you to me. A friend is not gained, a friend is given, a friend is a gift. I have always wondered, what brings two friends together? How does one become friend of the other? I cringe at the idea of discernment or taste. We often talk about choosing friends, in fact friends are self-elected, or more aptly, divine-elected. As Jesus says, you have not chosen Me but I have chosen you, friends have not chosen one another but He has chosen them for one another.

To love is to ask not to be loved in return, but to be a friend to you is to have you have me as your friend too. When the goodwill and delight and tenderness and warm caring in and for the other cease to be reciprocal, friendship ceases. With strength of God’s love, I can choose to love. But I cannot choose to make friends. I cannot make friendships. People are tied by admiration, by hope, by fear, by duty, by circumstances, by hate, by love, but friends are drawn together to each other by something more than that. There is some spontaneity and absence of calculation involved in it, a leaning of mind rather than an awareness of what is to be contributed or to be derived from it. I admit I used to put you on the pedestal, I knew then it was not a friendship. When I stop looking up or down at you, and when I start looking at you yourself, you become my friend.

Only God can turn evil to good, and only God can wreak havoc in the corrupted course of nature, even if that slice of nature is called the self of weak human being, the weak you and me. I have to be patient with whatever wrong I cannot make right in you and me. If I cannot bend my will to what I would wish to be, how can I bend your will? I cannot want you to be severely corrected while I do not correct myself. But we do not have to be perfect to correct, to counsel, to advise each other. No man is perfect, no man is without fault, no man is without burden, no man is sufficient on his own and no man is wise enough. It is our dues therefore, to support and build each other. No gift is too trivial and no man is too good for the meanest service. Each and everyone are a student and a teacher." (http://reposeinthee.blogspot.co.uk/2007/06/letter-to-friends.html)

Have we really made friends in Plymouth, I asked myself again and again. The answer has been, I am hopeful. GOD has chosen them for us when He appointed us to Plymouth.

"I really hope that you get good friends, spiritual friends in Plymouth, by patience, watching and praying. I think you can wait for the godly friends from God." -EF

---

Make us Thy labourers,
Let us not dream of ever looking back,
Let not our knees be feeble, hands be slack,
O make us strong to labour, strong to bear,
From the rising of the morning till the stars appear.

Make us Thy warriors,
On whom Thou canst depend to stand the brunt
Of any perilous charge of any front,
Give to us the skill to handle sword and spear
From the rising of the morning till the stars appear.

Not far from us, those stars,
Unseen as angels and yet looking through
The quiet air, the day's transparent blue.
What shall we know, and feel, and see, and hear
When the sunset colours kindle and the stars appear?
(Elisabeth Elliot)

---

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier would follow Thee

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,)
From all the dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
(Elisabeth Elliot)
---

Blest be the dear uniting love
That will not let us part:
Our bodies may far off remove,
We still are one in heart.

Joined in one Spirit to our Head,
Where He appoints we go,
And still in Jesus' footsteps tread,
And show His praise below.

O may we ever walk in Him,
And nothing know beside,
Nothing desire, nothing esteem,
But Jesus crucified.

Closer and closer let us cleave
To His beloved embrace,
Expect His fullness to receive,
And grace to answer grace.

While thus we walk with Christ in light
Who shall our souls disjoin,
Souls, which himself vouchsafes t’ unite
In fellowship divine!

We all are one who him receive,
And each with each agree,
In him the one, the truth, we live,
Blest point of unity!

Partakers of the Saviour’s grace,
The same in mind and heart,
Nor joy, nor grief, nor time, nor place,
Nor life, nor death can part:

But let us hasten to the day
Which shall our flesh restore,
When death shall all be done away,
And bodies part no more.

Tulisan Nainai

(A writing by Grandmother)

My mother-in-law's writing!

Xiexie, Ma, for writing so well. It inspires me to instill the love of reading and writing in Han-ye and Han-na, like you did in your sons.

Xiexie, Ma, for writing so well of us here as well. It encourages me to give even more of myself to your son and your son's children.

How blessed one is to have a loving mother-in-law. :')

Xiexie, Ko Budi, for translating ever so promptly. I hope Han-ye and Han-na will grow as close as An-an and Bing-bing were and have always been. :)

Love,
Yingying

---

End of Year Bits
Liangliang

Today is December, 30 (Sunday). Went back home after church in the morning, my younger brother gave me his house keys. He, sister-in-law, with their son and daughter were going to Surabaya, to gather together for two or three days. Not long, Mr. Wu came to buy cigarettes, he told me that he and family were going to Surabaya, his wife’s brothers and sisters who live in Bandung and Jember would get together in auntie’s house in Surabaya. Her house is big. Before leaving, he said, "yu duo hao zhong tian, ren duo hao guo nian" (much rain make good farming, many people make good new year celebration). He said it spontaneously, really amazing.

I recall watching the CCTV 4 programme "Yuanfang de jia bei wei 30 du" (Faraway Home - 30 Degrees North Latitude). The crew went to Yuechi in Sichuan. Yuechi rice vermicelli have more than 300 years of history, it is well renown. There is an old rice vermicelli shop there which has many customers. On the front door beam hung a shanglian (first line of a couplet) which says: "Yuechi hao, hao Yuechi, Yuechi mifen yue chi yue hao chi" (Yuechi is good, good Yuechi, Yuechi rice vermicelli the more we eat it, the more delicious it is). The xialian (second line of a couplet) is ???? Who can complete the couplet with a xialian, can eat rice vermicelli for a lifetime for free here. But after three years, no one can do it. My husband tried this, "Sishui lü, lü Sishui, Sishui lühua ren ren dou you ze" (Surabaya is green, green Surabaya, greening Surabaya is everyone’s responsibility). (smile).

Because the situation in Indonesia is quite stable, in 2011 and 2012, Indonesia were able to maintain its 6% economic growth. The improvement of economy and society has made the number of middle class people increased, and this drove consumption. 70% of Indonesia’s population is 20-50 years old labor force. This brought swarming foreign investments, reducing unemployment rate. We hope in 2013 Indonesia can maintain its powerful economic growth. A friend said, at the past, if school started in July, and Idul Fitri was in August, there would be not much business in September. People’s savings were already well spent in July and August. But this year is unexpectedly different, after Idul Fitri, people’s business were still hot, it even made the merchants exhausted. They used this two days holiday to rest their body and mind, and also used it as an opportunity to get together with family, which is a good thing, because it enhances relationship in the family.

My husband turned the computer on, and found that our daughter-in-law from far away on the north had sent a video recording of grandson and granddaughter. Today, grandson Han Ye is 22 months old, granddaughter Han Na is 7 months old. The recording showed the two kids were reading books. Little Ye took an animal book, he pointed at A and said "A", opened page after page, learned saying lion’s roar and dog’s sound. He took another book, on the cover is a family picture. He pointed at "father" and said loudly "papa", pointed at "mother" and said loudly "mama", pointed at "little sister" and said "meimei", then pointed at Han Na and said "meimei". This time, he crawled over and kissed his little sister’s forehead, it’s really touching. It’s winter there, there are only four hours of daylight. Outside was freezing cold, inside the house three people were waiting papa to come home. Thank you, daughter-in-law! You had patiently accompanied the children to play.

A month ago she sent us the recording of "preaching" little Ye. He sat beside a table, in front of him was the Bible. He constantly babbled in 14 minutes full. His voice was sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes he raised his hand and pointed at the lines of the book page, afterward raised his hands high, as if really putting on grand airs. Little Ye, you are grandpa and grandma’s pleaser! At the end, happy new year everyone!

"In marriage we don't attempt to please each other; our attempts are to please God, that we might please each other."

"Any husband, regardless of his disposition, has to lead. Any wife, regardless of her abilities, has to submit. In this manner, any husband and wife will be complementary to each other, if only they were willing to obey the Word of God."

- Adi Kurniawan

John and Mary Winthrop

MOST DEAR AND LOVING HUSBAND, I cannot express my love to you, as I desire, in these poor, lifeless lines; but I do heartily wish you did see my heart, how true and faithful it is to you, and how much I do desire to be always with you, to enjoy the sweet comfort of your presence, and those helps from you in spiritual and temporal duties, which I am so unfit to perform without you. It makes to see the want of you, and wish myself with you. But I desire we may be guided by God in all our ways, who is able to direct us for the best; and so I will wait upon him with patience, who is all-sufficient for me.

--Mary Winthrop to her husband John Winthrop

Therefore let us choose life, and we, and our seeds, may live; by obeying his voice, and cleaving to him [as we cleave to each other], for he is our life, and our prosperity.

--John Winthrop

I look forward to another blessed year and a lifetime with each other.

Can an unhappy marriage be a successful marriage?

"Happiness is never the aim of marriage - service to God is. In fact, unhappiness can exist in a successful marriage: In this marriage, two people live together, with many unfulfilled needs - loving each other."

The paradox is, when one loves, she is happy. :)

What is important for me in your homemaking, is not so much in how well you do it, but in how you demonstrate love in and through it.

"What is most crucial in the journey of parenting is the loving relationship between you and your husband. When this is well, you can rest assured everything else will be taken care of." - Natalia Elok Mjøsund

A Ride

To Papa, 

 On whose shoulders we ride.

With love,
Mama & Sethia

Light From The Face of The Deep

Yesterday Adi made a presentation in a scientific meeting of the Indonesian students, where Sethia and I were around too. One of the slides shared the story of Stephen Salter, the founding father of wave power technology:

"In September 1973 I caught flu. My wife said to me, with callous indifference to my misery, "Stop lying there looking sorry for yourself. Why don't you solve the energy crisis?" It seemed a good idea at the time. What she wanted was something which would provide the vast amount needed, which would be clean and safe, would work in the winter in Scotland and would last for ever. It is a good thing for an engineer to have the design objective clearly specified." - Stephen Salter

Then Adi made a remark, "the moral of his story, is for scientists not to underestimate their wives' opinions."

I felt strangely wonderful instantly, and persistently encouraged! :-) So, should I behave and respond the same manner as Mr. Salter's wife when Adi gets flu, for him to come nearer to Mr. Salter's accomplishments?

Adi and Sethia

Adi and Sethia by the stream of Bymarka

These two - they are God's strength and joy to me. They are the two who make me who I am. My identity is found, by God's grace, in being Adi's wife and Sethia's mother. They are God's very calling to me. :)

Rachel Jankovic writes in "Loving the Little Years":

The world has very muddled perception of "self". They think and tell us to think that we are all little separate entities who might need to go off somewhere to get to know "ourselves", or that a mother needs to get back to her corporate world to be herself again. Marriages break up because people don't know who they are anymore. They need to find themselves.

But the Christian view of self is very different, and you need to make sure that it is the one you have. We are like characters in a story. Our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be discovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognise yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out - look at the people who made you what you are - your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.

Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the "others", will find that they are a broken little thing. This will lead them to resent the people who they think made them that way. She may say, "I used to be so energetic, but all these people take, take, take from me and now I have no time to just be me!" And the world gathers around and comforts her and says she needs some time to follow her dreams.

But the Christian woman needs to see, "I used to be so boring! Now my character has some depth, some people to love, some hardships to bear. Now I have some material to work with." A Christian woman's view is always forward and never back. Your identity is to be found and resting in other people.

Let me try this from different angle. As married Christian women, our identity is in our husbands. We are their helpmeets. Our calling is people-orientated. It follows that you cannot know what your calling is until you know who your calling is. Until you are married, you are not tied to a specific person. Marriage reorients you entirely. Children do even more. Then it is your calling to help your husband by raising these little people. People, people everywhere and no time for yourself. But remember this is your calling. It belongs to you. They belong to you. These people are you.

Subconjunctival Hemorrhage

Dear friends,

Husband suffers from subconjunctival hemorrhage; it has no serious health complications but looking at his bright red eye makes me nervous. :( Covet your prayers for his eye recovery, which is essential for his work which requires much writing and reading.

Message from Aalborg: to love my husband's mother-in-law

With my mother's presence at home, the house is spick and span clean, meals are never late, and Sethia gets excessive dose of affectionate attention. :p

But when a grandparent lives under one roof with his/her child's new family unit, it is absolutely normal that at times there is tension. For me, among few others, it is questions like "are you really sure of what you are doing?" or "is this right?" that make me anxious and lose my serenity in my attempts to care for Sethia.

Husband has been away to Aalborg, Denmark, for a while now. While he's away, I am grateful I'm not home alone with Sethia. But I am more grateful that I have a husband whose last instructive message before and during his trip was, "love your mother."

My parents have got themselves a son-in-law two years ago; they still do. :)