Parting, Meeting, Making Friends

Never shall I forget the partings I have had in my life. They are such a rending thing I shall never want to repeat them.

God Himself has led us to Plymouth. God's leading to us was not so much by any miracles, such as a pillar of fire, an audible voice, an angelic visit, handwriting on the wall. It was by ordinary methods by which in combination God seems to nudge us in the paths of righteousness, through circumstances, commonsense, godly counsel, biblical principles.

Plymouth was God's will, so there was peace in my heart as we prepared to leave Trondheim. But, it did not utterly cancel the pain of parting. It was so depressing to say good-bye.

And then I became quite seriously ill. It was quite plain I had the recurrence of thyrotoxicosis symptoms but I ignored them initially; we were so busy moving from one place and settling down in another. Soon enough the disease developed that I barely had sleep. When I laid down I felt my heart palpitations and noticed tremors in my hands and body. My bowel frequency increased to 4-6 times a day and my eyes watered and burned so much I would rather having them closed. After examination [this was in June] the doctor recommended a minimum of 12-months treatment with anti-thyroid drugs, during which I was advised not to plan to conceive whilst thyrotoxic because of the high risk of miscarriage.

I have not been imagining that I missed Trondheim and its people, have I? :')

With medication, I am slowly regaining my health - and my enthusiasm. And I have also met a few mother-friends.

Our house is at the end of a row of houses, which share a common private pathway away and safe from traffic. Some of our neighbours are families with small children. I have met V, with her three girls, H with a 2.5 year old girl with her 2.5 mths old twin-girls, T with a girl called E who is a little older than Hana, & some older boys and girls who belong to other families. At late afternoon just before "tea" (they call dinner "tea" here :)), the mothers chit-chat while we watch the children play together on the pathway. We are really thankful for the pathway that helps connect people. At toddler-groups in different churches, I met H and R, each with two boys. There is also L and her family of 4 who live in the countryside, and then S, a homeschooling mother of 5, whose homeschooling home I frequent at least once a week. It is not uncommon here to keep the young ones mostly home until they are at least four or five years old, so this presents opportunities for Sethia and Hana to make friends even outside schools/nurseries/child-cares.

I believe a place grew to be special to us because of the memories of friendships that we made. That was why each parting that I had was more painful than one before.

Have we made friends in Plymouth? I remembered I wrote this several years ago, when I met Adi as a friend and brother in Christ:

"Friendship nowadays appears to be a broad and common interest, but it is ones with you which finally urged me to write about it. These friendships I do not make, these friendships I find myself in, these friendships spring. I find them, or rather not I, but the God in me and you. You my friends, come to me unsought, God gave you to me. A friend is not gained, a friend is given, a friend is a gift. I have always wondered, what brings two friends together? How does one become friend of the other? I cringe at the idea of discernment or taste. We often talk about choosing friends, in fact friends are self-elected, or more aptly, divine-elected. As Jesus says, you have not chosen Me but I have chosen you, friends have not chosen one another but He has chosen them for one another.

To love is to ask not to be loved in return, but to be a friend to you is to have you have me as your friend too. When the goodwill and delight and tenderness and warm caring in and for the other cease to be reciprocal, friendship ceases. With strength of God’s love, I can choose to love. But I cannot choose to make friends. I cannot make friendships. People are tied by admiration, by hope, by fear, by duty, by circumstances, by hate, by love, but friends are drawn together to each other by something more than that. There is some spontaneity and absence of calculation involved in it, a leaning of mind rather than an awareness of what is to be contributed or to be derived from it. I admit I used to put you on the pedestal, I knew then it was not a friendship. When I stop looking up or down at you, and when I start looking at you yourself, you become my friend.

Only God can turn evil to good, and only God can wreak havoc in the corrupted course of nature, even if that slice of nature is called the self of weak human being, the weak you and me. I have to be patient with whatever wrong I cannot make right in you and me. If I cannot bend my will to what I would wish to be, how can I bend your will? I cannot want you to be severely corrected while I do not correct myself. But we do not have to be perfect to correct, to counsel, to advise each other. No man is perfect, no man is without fault, no man is without burden, no man is sufficient on his own and no man is wise enough. It is our dues therefore, to support and build each other. No gift is too trivial and no man is too good for the meanest service. Each and everyone are a student and a teacher." (http://reposeinthee.blogspot.co.uk/2007/06/letter-to-friends.html)

Have we really made friends in Plymouth, I asked myself again and again. The answer has been, I am hopeful. GOD has chosen them for us when He appointed us to Plymouth.

"I really hope that you get good friends, spiritual friends in Plymouth, by patience, watching and praying. I think you can wait for the godly friends from God." -EF

---

Make us Thy labourers,
Let us not dream of ever looking back,
Let not our knees be feeble, hands be slack,
O make us strong to labour, strong to bear,
From the rising of the morning till the stars appear.

Make us Thy warriors,
On whom Thou canst depend to stand the brunt
Of any perilous charge of any front,
Give to us the skill to handle sword and spear
From the rising of the morning till the stars appear.

Not far from us, those stars,
Unseen as angels and yet looking through
The quiet air, the day's transparent blue.
What shall we know, and feel, and see, and hear
When the sunset colours kindle and the stars appear?
(Elisabeth Elliot)

---

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier would follow Thee

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,)
From all the dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
(Elisabeth Elliot)
---

Blest be the dear uniting love
That will not let us part:
Our bodies may far off remove,
We still are one in heart.

Joined in one Spirit to our Head,
Where He appoints we go,
And still in Jesus' footsteps tread,
And show His praise below.

O may we ever walk in Him,
And nothing know beside,
Nothing desire, nothing esteem,
But Jesus crucified.

Closer and closer let us cleave
To His beloved embrace,
Expect His fullness to receive,
And grace to answer grace.

While thus we walk with Christ in light
Who shall our souls disjoin,
Souls, which himself vouchsafes t’ unite
In fellowship divine!

We all are one who him receive,
And each with each agree,
In him the one, the truth, we live,
Blest point of unity!

Partakers of the Saviour’s grace,
The same in mind and heart,
Nor joy, nor grief, nor time, nor place,
Nor life, nor death can part:

But let us hasten to the day
Which shall our flesh restore,
When death shall all be done away,
And bodies part no more.

Tulisan Nainai

(A writing by Grandmother)

My mother-in-law's writing!

Xiexie, Ma, for writing so well. It inspires me to instill the love of reading and writing in Han-ye and Han-na, like you did in your sons.

Xiexie, Ma, for writing so well of us here as well. It encourages me to give even more of myself to your son and your son's children.

How blessed one is to have a loving mother-in-law. :')

Xiexie, Ko Budi, for translating ever so promptly. I hope Han-ye and Han-na will grow as close as An-an and Bing-bing were and have always been. :)

Love,
Yingying

---

End of Year Bits
Liangliang

Today is December, 30 (Sunday). Went back home after church in the morning, my younger brother gave me his house keys. He, sister-in-law, with their son and daughter were going to Surabaya, to gather together for two or three days. Not long, Mr. Wu came to buy cigarettes, he told me that he and family were going to Surabaya, his wife’s brothers and sisters who live in Bandung and Jember would get together in auntie’s house in Surabaya. Her house is big. Before leaving, he said, "yu duo hao zhong tian, ren duo hao guo nian" (much rain make good farming, many people make good new year celebration). He said it spontaneously, really amazing.

I recall watching the CCTV 4 programme "Yuanfang de jia bei wei 30 du" (Faraway Home - 30 Degrees North Latitude). The crew went to Yuechi in Sichuan. Yuechi rice vermicelli have more than 300 years of history, it is well renown. There is an old rice vermicelli shop there which has many customers. On the front door beam hung a shanglian (first line of a couplet) which says: "Yuechi hao, hao Yuechi, Yuechi mifen yue chi yue hao chi" (Yuechi is good, good Yuechi, Yuechi rice vermicelli the more we eat it, the more delicious it is). The xialian (second line of a couplet) is ???? Who can complete the couplet with a xialian, can eat rice vermicelli for a lifetime for free here. But after three years, no one can do it. My husband tried this, "Sishui lü, lü Sishui, Sishui lühua ren ren dou you ze" (Surabaya is green, green Surabaya, greening Surabaya is everyone’s responsibility). (smile).

Because the situation in Indonesia is quite stable, in 2011 and 2012, Indonesia were able to maintain its 6% economic growth. The improvement of economy and society has made the number of middle class people increased, and this drove consumption. 70% of Indonesia’s population is 20-50 years old labor force. This brought swarming foreign investments, reducing unemployment rate. We hope in 2013 Indonesia can maintain its powerful economic growth. A friend said, at the past, if school started in July, and Idul Fitri was in August, there would be not much business in September. People’s savings were already well spent in July and August. But this year is unexpectedly different, after Idul Fitri, people’s business were still hot, it even made the merchants exhausted. They used this two days holiday to rest their body and mind, and also used it as an opportunity to get together with family, which is a good thing, because it enhances relationship in the family.

My husband turned the computer on, and found that our daughter-in-law from far away on the north had sent a video recording of grandson and granddaughter. Today, grandson Han Ye is 22 months old, granddaughter Han Na is 7 months old. The recording showed the two kids were reading books. Little Ye took an animal book, he pointed at A and said "A", opened page after page, learned saying lion’s roar and dog’s sound. He took another book, on the cover is a family picture. He pointed at "father" and said loudly "papa", pointed at "mother" and said loudly "mama", pointed at "little sister" and said "meimei", then pointed at Han Na and said "meimei". This time, he crawled over and kissed his little sister’s forehead, it’s really touching. It’s winter there, there are only four hours of daylight. Outside was freezing cold, inside the house three people were waiting papa to come home. Thank you, daughter-in-law! You had patiently accompanied the children to play.

A month ago she sent us the recording of "preaching" little Ye. He sat beside a table, in front of him was the Bible. He constantly babbled in 14 minutes full. His voice was sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes he raised his hand and pointed at the lines of the book page, afterward raised his hands high, as if really putting on grand airs. Little Ye, you are grandpa and grandma’s pleaser! At the end, happy new year everyone!

This is the way we use our hands

S: We put them on our laps, Me..
H: Yes, Koko!

S: Then we clap our hands. OK?
H: Okay, Koko..

S: We can also draw a circle in the air.
H: Wow, you are smart, Koko!

S: Urmm. That's all.
H: That's all, Ko?

Activity for Sethia: Stickers-pasting

Early shape of home-lesson

S: Memeee, let us study hard that we can be as smart as Papa.
H: Yaaa, Kooo..

S: But firstly, Me, let me have your paper, too. OK?
H: Hm?

H: Hm, where is my paper?
S: Not me..

H: Mamaaaaaaa..
S: *i will look down at my pen and sing song* 

Dua Bulan bersama Mak

(Two Months with Grandmother)

The past two months would not be possible without my mother.

As I crawled and wriggled my way through breastfeeding and babywearing Hana in a ring sling while attending to Sethia's various needs and interests at the same time, my mother stood firm and walked patiently with me, on top of handling all other domestic duties and chores meticulously.

My mother's presence exemplified soundly what Adi wrote some time ago, that parenting is not about giving our children the best of things, nor it is about how capable we are, but it is about giving our children our own selves, in the circumstances that God providentially puts us in.

Her presence made me reflect that mothering young children is not simply about ...

Breastfeeding exclusively: My mother never breastfed exclusively, but she respected my grandmother's wishes that a newborn had to be fed based on a one-hourly schedule, and thus had to be supplemented;

Nor it is about wearing your baby with expertise: Too awkward to use 'selendang' [Indonesian traditional baby carrier], she rocked and sang to sleep one-year-old me - probably weighing 10-12 kg then - up and down the staircase, with only her bare hands;

Nor it is about joyfully co-sleeping with our little ones: She lived - not always pleased but certainly with a lot of consideration and thoughtfulness - with three of her in-laws, for almost 25 years of her marriage. In a packed hotel room, she would give the bed up for four of her children and chose the floor instead.

The above, and some other parenting tenets, are beautiful and right in themselves; they will be helpful guides to my parenting, but without grace, mercy, and sacrificial love, they will count as nothing.

Yesterday, before Mama left for the airport, we read 2 Tim. 1: 1-7 in our morning family worship:

"Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus, To Timothy, my dearly beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day; Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy; When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also. Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

What a delightful comfort to have such a fitting reading. My mother had been unceasingly praying for us day and night, that "the LORD Jesus be present in this home." She read this passage with tears in her eyes, expressing her own desire to see Sethia and Hana again. We thank GOD for her faith, and we thank HIM who promises and covenants that He Himself will keep the very faith from generation to generation.

Terima kasih sedalam-dalamnya, Ma. Engkau yang penuh rahmat.
[Thank you from our heart, Ma. You are full of grace].

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing - 1 Cor. 13:1-3

6 Weeks

Giving thanks for GOD's gracious gift of the joy and pleasure of breastfeeding Hana for 6 weeks - baby to breasts, no pumps, no bottles.

Weighing now 5.015 kg, Hana has gained about 2 kg since her early days at the hospital.

Nursing Mothers, you may want to read this tender & moving story of a nursing Mama & her two nurslings, Emmy & Micah: http://www.raisingarrows.net/2009/11/breastfeeding-the-memory-of-emily/

"The day we were reunited, baby to breast, I cried. I held her close, tucking those stray wisps of fuzzy brown hair behind her ears and murmuring my affection in that secret language of mothers and babies everywhere. All the tubes and wires inthe world could not keep me from her.

Life post-surgery was challenging and changed for us. Emily was fragile. She nursed every two hours around the clock. Yet, my patience held. I still look back at those weeks with fondness and an awe that I never once felt tied down or irritated by the nearly constant breastfeeding sessions. ... "

:')

Our little Hana's grown so fine. May God continue to grant her growth. :)

Hana's first week - and on

 

Hana nurses effectively for about 15-20 minutes before calling it quits to one breast. Her whole meal's affair - nursing from both breasts, with its various points of changing diapers & socialising - takes about an hour & a half. If these needs are satisfied, she will sleep right after nursing for two hours and a half before the next feeding. At night, she can sleep significantly longer, waking up for two nocturnal feedings. 

Hana gained 400 grams in her first week. She was fully breastfed from Day 4 of her birth. 

My experience with breastfeeding Sethia had been not only unsteady, but a little traumatic. It lasted only for a short 2 months. Breastfeeding Hana now feels spontaneous & common-sensical, like her almost painless birth. With Sethia, it was an 21-hour labor; with Hana, I arrived at hospital at about half past seven, an hour later at half past eight she was born. I thank God for the experiences with both Sethia and Hana, for both humble me: nothing really depends on me.

Hana Puspa Kurniawan

Hana's scheduled date of arrival was 25th May. She arrived on 31st, 6 days late.

Should she have arrived earlier, we would likely miss our family worship's Bible reading on the evening of 30th, which providentially was 1 Thess. 5: 1-11.

"Now concerning the times and the seasons, brothers, you have no need to have anything written to you. For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, "There is peace and security," then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. But you are not in darkness, brothers, for that day to surprise you like a thief. For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober. For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, are drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." - 1 Thess. 5:1-11

The LORD's coming, though it is not known, will certainly come, at its full and appointed time. It has its inevitableness and its suddenness, just like the travail of a woman in labor. But we, Christians, would not be surprised, because we have been waiting for it with expectant joy, just like the woman has waited for the birth of her child. 

What a satisfying joy to be built up and encouraged by this reading in the evening just before the contractions came at 4 in the morning. Hana was then born at 8.28 am on the next day, weighing 3.270 kg with a petite length of 48 cm. 

On 1st of June, the first day of supposedly summer in Norway, it was raining snow in Trondheim. But Adi and Sethia - on their way home after their hospital visit - were graciously given a glance of a beautiful rainbow. We were again reassured of God's prevailing grace. 

So we wanted to give Hana a middle name that gives a sense of "times and seasons", and chose "Puspa". Puspa means flower in Indonesian. This will remind us of the last day of May, the last month of spring in Trondheim, where flowers have begun to bloom. Puspa is also my [Grace's] mother's middle name. 

Hana is simply Greek's Anna/Hebrew's Hannah in Indonesian. It means "Grace". :) Providentially, it also means flower in Japanese. ;)

Recollection of Sethia's first month

Week 39 Day 3

 "To give life to another always means coming to the end of yourself." - 8 March 2011

 As I recollected my first month with Sethia last year, I was stirred up to feel small & vulnerable all over again. May GOD help this little Mama once again, as He did so faithfully.

 --

 Nothing has brought me to my knees in prayers every morning like this journey of motherhood. Lord, grant me grace for today. Amen. (28 March)

 Never felt more motherly than when Sethia refuses to sleep anywhere but in my arms [with the help of sling thankfully]. :) (27 March)

 I have had my ideals of being a mother; it's humbling to know that I am far from my ideals. And it takes another step to be content about it. (25 March)

Sethia: "When I cry, dear Lord, be near me." As you grow stronger, Sethia, Mama will too. (17 March) I am losing patience and joy of motherhood. Please pray for me... (15 March)

"This breaking down of my mood and my ability to cope is not all lost and pointless. In my fragility I am tasting the world that is my baby’s. Laying in my arms a tiny gift of helplessness, God lets me feel helplessness myself. As my baby is ripening, my heart is softening. ... The busy, chipper polish is ground down to a tender place, a place where I will have empathy and compassion on a little one who will also struggle with clothes and cry, so small, not even in control of the universe enough to change a milk-soaked T-shirt. As you get stronger, my baby, I will too; we are together." Mrs. Parunak, http://pursuingtitus2.com/2011/02/22/salt-water/(8 March)

 Rely only on His grace. (5 March)

Week 39: Head, shoulders, knees - and toes!

Week 39

 "Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes;
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes,
and eyes and ears and mouth and nose;
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!"

 "Necessity is the mother of invention. When you have a second child, you might be in a situation where you are the only one who manages both children daily. Sometimes the older child will wait, sometimes the baby will. Other times, you will learn to tend to the needs of both simultaneously. These times you will find your arms and shoulders extended, or your head has grown another eye on its back, or your feet have extra toes for gripping things."

I hope so. ;)

"With prayer to God - that He will let this awaited daughter drink the air of this physical world, and also drink the spirit of the invisible world, the coming Kingdom of Christ." - E.F.


"Sing to the tune "London Bridge":

Head and shoulders
Knees and toes (3x)
Head and shoulders
Knees and toes
All from/for Jesus!" - E.C

 

24 Week Ultrasound

This is our little girl, can you recognise her (2D ultrasound) face profile? The midwife said she purposely faced upwards in order to say hello! :)

31 Jan 2012, 24 Weeks:
I need His mercy on my carrying a child.
I need His mercy on my laboring and giving birth.
I need His mercy on my mothering.
Because I may carry and I may labor and I may care,
but only God gives life and growth.

A boy - and a girl, God willing

Sethia is going to have a little sister, God willing. :)

I had to be reassured at the second appointment by the doctor of the gender of the baby. He confirmed that the little one I am carrying now in my womb just had to be a girl by explaining the details of her sex organ - the characteristics/attributes that make it differ to one of a boy's. How is this significant, this gender distinction, don't you think so. :)

Almost as concurrently as we discovered the gender of our second child, we found what Patricia Lewis wrote in her column (http://www.wnd.com/2011/05/304173/) :

"There are those who believe gender stereotypes are bad. Men shouldn’t embrace their roles as protectors. Women shouldn’t embrace their roles as nurturers. But how does this affect society as a whole?

It screws people up, that’s how.

A friend and I were recently discussing the issue of marriageable men, or the lack thereof. This woman has two sisters in their 20s who are interested in finding a nice fellow and settling down to raise a family. But the women are unable to find a man interested in anything except the most superficial of relationships because the men don’t have the maturity to take on their traditional roles. This is not an uncommon complaint amongst unmarried women. To be fair, there are far too many young women who also lack the maturity to take on their traditional roles. These problems, I believe, can be laid firmly at the feet of an increasingly genderless society.

So what, you may ask, is the big deal if we blur the distinction between genders? The “big deal” is that by doing so, we raise young people unequipped and unprepared to step into their hard-wired biological roles when they reach adulthood. We have men unable or unwilling to support a wife and children, but who have no problem procreating indiscriminately. We have women unable or unwilling to marry a dependable, responsible man, but who also have no problem procreating indiscriminately.

The issue is much larger and more important than some New Age family bleating about gender roles. Biological traits are there for a reason. Conforming to our innate roles insures that our society and its base unit – the family – will continue to raise stable, well-adjusted children who (let’s admit it) aren’t likely to have confusion issues about their genders or their roles.

The thing about children is their instincts must be guided. Any parent knows boys and girls are different. Boys are physical. They roughhouse, tease girls, play pranks and revel in their scrapes and injuries. Girls are verbal. They form close friendships, play with dolls and pretend to keep house. (Remember, I’m talking generalities. There will always be quiet, studious boys and rough-and-tumble girls.)

But those instinctive behaviors must be guided appropriately. That’s why role models (usually in the form of parents) are so necessary. Traditionally, men taught their sons to channel their energies in acceptable ways. This included learning a trade, being protective of women and children, and preparing to take on their adult roles as husbands and fathers. Women taught their daughters to nurture children and keep the home. Husbands and wives balanced each others’ strengths and weaknesses.

What’s in vogue today is to teach children that their gender-specific instincts are wrong. Boys are punished for being rambunctious and restless in school. Girls are ridiculed for wanting to embrace the home. Children become confused when their instincts conflict with what they’re being taught, either at school, at home, or in society.

Role modeling has changed. Parents are no longer able or willing to teach their children the appropriate behaviors for their genders. Indeed, many parents are not even there; absent fathers and working mothers have wreaked havoc with the family structure, leaving children bewildered and cut adrift. The result is generations of angry young men and women who carry out their destructive behavior into the next generation.

Referring back to the opening statement – that if you really want to get to know someone, you don’t ask what’s between their legs – I strongly disagree. What’s between everyone’s legs is wildly important. It defines God’s purpose for you. Did He make you male or female? I’m grateful – not hostile – that He made me the latter.

Reinventing the wheel doesn’t change the innate perfection of that wheel, no matter how progressively you redefine it. A square wheel doesn’t roll, and gender-confused children will never be able to reach their full potential by denying God’s plan."

What a good sense. And I would love to read more of her thought-provoking writings more thoughtfully. :)