Parting, Meeting, Making Friends

Never shall I forget the partings I have had in my life. They are such a rending thing I shall never want to repeat them.

God Himself has led us to Plymouth. God's leading to us was not so much by any miracles, such as a pillar of fire, an audible voice, an angelic visit, handwriting on the wall. It was by ordinary methods by which in combination God seems to nudge us in the paths of righteousness, through circumstances, commonsense, godly counsel, biblical principles.

Plymouth was God's will, so there was peace in my heart as we prepared to leave Trondheim. But, it did not utterly cancel the pain of parting. It was so depressing to say good-bye.

And then I became quite seriously ill. It was quite plain I had the recurrence of thyrotoxicosis symptoms but I ignored them initially; we were so busy moving from one place and settling down in another. Soon enough the disease developed that I barely had sleep. When I laid down I felt my heart palpitations and noticed tremors in my hands and body. My bowel frequency increased to 4-6 times a day and my eyes watered and burned so much I would rather having them closed. After examination [this was in June] the doctor recommended a minimum of 12-months treatment with anti-thyroid drugs, during which I was advised not to plan to conceive whilst thyrotoxic because of the high risk of miscarriage.

I have not been imagining that I missed Trondheim and its people, have I? :')

With medication, I am slowly regaining my health - and my enthusiasm. And I have also met a few mother-friends.

Our house is at the end of a row of houses, which share a common private pathway away and safe from traffic. Some of our neighbours are families with small children. I have met V, with her three girls, H with a 2.5 year old girl with her 2.5 mths old twin-girls, T with a girl called E who is a little older than Hana, & some older boys and girls who belong to other families. At late afternoon just before "tea" (they call dinner "tea" here :)), the mothers chit-chat while we watch the children play together on the pathway. We are really thankful for the pathway that helps connect people. At toddler-groups in different churches, I met H and R, each with two boys. There is also L and her family of 4 who live in the countryside, and then S, a homeschooling mother of 5, whose homeschooling home I frequent at least once a week. It is not uncommon here to keep the young ones mostly home until they are at least four or five years old, so this presents opportunities for Sethia and Hana to make friends even outside schools/nurseries/child-cares.

I believe a place grew to be special to us because of the memories of friendships that we made. That was why each parting that I had was more painful than one before.

Have we made friends in Plymouth? I remembered I wrote this several years ago, when I met Adi as a friend and brother in Christ:

"Friendship nowadays appears to be a broad and common interest, but it is ones with you which finally urged me to write about it. These friendships I do not make, these friendships I find myself in, these friendships spring. I find them, or rather not I, but the God in me and you. You my friends, come to me unsought, God gave you to me. A friend is not gained, a friend is given, a friend is a gift. I have always wondered, what brings two friends together? How does one become friend of the other? I cringe at the idea of discernment or taste. We often talk about choosing friends, in fact friends are self-elected, or more aptly, divine-elected. As Jesus says, you have not chosen Me but I have chosen you, friends have not chosen one another but He has chosen them for one another.

To love is to ask not to be loved in return, but to be a friend to you is to have you have me as your friend too. When the goodwill and delight and tenderness and warm caring in and for the other cease to be reciprocal, friendship ceases. With strength of God’s love, I can choose to love. But I cannot choose to make friends. I cannot make friendships. People are tied by admiration, by hope, by fear, by duty, by circumstances, by hate, by love, but friends are drawn together to each other by something more than that. There is some spontaneity and absence of calculation involved in it, a leaning of mind rather than an awareness of what is to be contributed or to be derived from it. I admit I used to put you on the pedestal, I knew then it was not a friendship. When I stop looking up or down at you, and when I start looking at you yourself, you become my friend.

Only God can turn evil to good, and only God can wreak havoc in the corrupted course of nature, even if that slice of nature is called the self of weak human being, the weak you and me. I have to be patient with whatever wrong I cannot make right in you and me. If I cannot bend my will to what I would wish to be, how can I bend your will? I cannot want you to be severely corrected while I do not correct myself. But we do not have to be perfect to correct, to counsel, to advise each other. No man is perfect, no man is without fault, no man is without burden, no man is sufficient on his own and no man is wise enough. It is our dues therefore, to support and build each other. No gift is too trivial and no man is too good for the meanest service. Each and everyone are a student and a teacher." (http://reposeinthee.blogspot.co.uk/2007/06/letter-to-friends.html)

Have we really made friends in Plymouth, I asked myself again and again. The answer has been, I am hopeful. GOD has chosen them for us when He appointed us to Plymouth.

"I really hope that you get good friends, spiritual friends in Plymouth, by patience, watching and praying. I think you can wait for the godly friends from God." -EF

---

Make us Thy labourers,
Let us not dream of ever looking back,
Let not our knees be feeble, hands be slack,
O make us strong to labour, strong to bear,
From the rising of the morning till the stars appear.

Make us Thy warriors,
On whom Thou canst depend to stand the brunt
Of any perilous charge of any front,
Give to us the skill to handle sword and spear
From the rising of the morning till the stars appear.

Not far from us, those stars,
Unseen as angels and yet looking through
The quiet air, the day's transparent blue.
What shall we know, and feel, and see, and hear
When the sunset colours kindle and the stars appear?
(Elisabeth Elliot)

---

From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier would follow Thee

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,)
From all the dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
(Elisabeth Elliot)
---

Blest be the dear uniting love
That will not let us part:
Our bodies may far off remove,
We still are one in heart.

Joined in one Spirit to our Head,
Where He appoints we go,
And still in Jesus' footsteps tread,
And show His praise below.

O may we ever walk in Him,
And nothing know beside,
Nothing desire, nothing esteem,
But Jesus crucified.

Closer and closer let us cleave
To His beloved embrace,
Expect His fullness to receive,
And grace to answer grace.

While thus we walk with Christ in light
Who shall our souls disjoin,
Souls, which himself vouchsafes t’ unite
In fellowship divine!

We all are one who him receive,
And each with each agree,
In him the one, the truth, we live,
Blest point of unity!

Partakers of the Saviour’s grace,
The same in mind and heart,
Nor joy, nor grief, nor time, nor place,
Nor life, nor death can part:

But let us hasten to the day
Which shall our flesh restore,
When death shall all be done away,
And bodies part no more.

Tulisan Nainai

(A writing by Grandmother)

My mother-in-law's writing!

Xiexie, Ma, for writing so well. It inspires me to instill the love of reading and writing in Han-ye and Han-na, like you did in your sons.

Xiexie, Ma, for writing so well of us here as well. It encourages me to give even more of myself to your son and your son's children.

How blessed one is to have a loving mother-in-law. :')

Xiexie, Ko Budi, for translating ever so promptly. I hope Han-ye and Han-na will grow as close as An-an and Bing-bing were and have always been. :)

Love,
Yingying

---

End of Year Bits
Liangliang

Today is December, 30 (Sunday). Went back home after church in the morning, my younger brother gave me his house keys. He, sister-in-law, with their son and daughter were going to Surabaya, to gather together for two or three days. Not long, Mr. Wu came to buy cigarettes, he told me that he and family were going to Surabaya, his wife’s brothers and sisters who live in Bandung and Jember would get together in auntie’s house in Surabaya. Her house is big. Before leaving, he said, "yu duo hao zhong tian, ren duo hao guo nian" (much rain make good farming, many people make good new year celebration). He said it spontaneously, really amazing.

I recall watching the CCTV 4 programme "Yuanfang de jia bei wei 30 du" (Faraway Home - 30 Degrees North Latitude). The crew went to Yuechi in Sichuan. Yuechi rice vermicelli have more than 300 years of history, it is well renown. There is an old rice vermicelli shop there which has many customers. On the front door beam hung a shanglian (first line of a couplet) which says: "Yuechi hao, hao Yuechi, Yuechi mifen yue chi yue hao chi" (Yuechi is good, good Yuechi, Yuechi rice vermicelli the more we eat it, the more delicious it is). The xialian (second line of a couplet) is ???? Who can complete the couplet with a xialian, can eat rice vermicelli for a lifetime for free here. But after three years, no one can do it. My husband tried this, "Sishui lü, lü Sishui, Sishui lühua ren ren dou you ze" (Surabaya is green, green Surabaya, greening Surabaya is everyone’s responsibility). (smile).

Because the situation in Indonesia is quite stable, in 2011 and 2012, Indonesia were able to maintain its 6% economic growth. The improvement of economy and society has made the number of middle class people increased, and this drove consumption. 70% of Indonesia’s population is 20-50 years old labor force. This brought swarming foreign investments, reducing unemployment rate. We hope in 2013 Indonesia can maintain its powerful economic growth. A friend said, at the past, if school started in July, and Idul Fitri was in August, there would be not much business in September. People’s savings were already well spent in July and August. But this year is unexpectedly different, after Idul Fitri, people’s business were still hot, it even made the merchants exhausted. They used this two days holiday to rest their body and mind, and also used it as an opportunity to get together with family, which is a good thing, because it enhances relationship in the family.

My husband turned the computer on, and found that our daughter-in-law from far away on the north had sent a video recording of grandson and granddaughter. Today, grandson Han Ye is 22 months old, granddaughter Han Na is 7 months old. The recording showed the two kids were reading books. Little Ye took an animal book, he pointed at A and said "A", opened page after page, learned saying lion’s roar and dog’s sound. He took another book, on the cover is a family picture. He pointed at "father" and said loudly "papa", pointed at "mother" and said loudly "mama", pointed at "little sister" and said "meimei", then pointed at Han Na and said "meimei". This time, he crawled over and kissed his little sister’s forehead, it’s really touching. It’s winter there, there are only four hours of daylight. Outside was freezing cold, inside the house three people were waiting papa to come home. Thank you, daughter-in-law! You had patiently accompanied the children to play.

A month ago she sent us the recording of "preaching" little Ye. He sat beside a table, in front of him was the Bible. He constantly babbled in 14 minutes full. His voice was sometimes high, sometimes low, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes he raised his hand and pointed at the lines of the book page, afterward raised his hands high, as if really putting on grand airs. Little Ye, you are grandpa and grandma’s pleaser! At the end, happy new year everyone!

This is the way we use our hands

S: We put them on our laps, Me..
H: Yes, Koko!

S: Then we clap our hands. OK?
H: Okay, Koko..

S: We can also draw a circle in the air.
H: Wow, you are smart, Koko!

S: Urmm. That's all.
H: That's all, Ko?

Activity for Sethia: Stickers-pasting

Early shape of home-lesson

S: Memeee, let us study hard that we can be as smart as Papa.
H: Yaaa, Kooo..

S: But firstly, Me, let me have your paper, too. OK?
H: Hm?

H: Hm, where is my paper?
S: Not me..

H: Mamaaaaaaa..
S: *i will look down at my pen and sing song* 

Dua Bulan bersama Mak

(Two Months with Grandmother)

The past two months would not be possible without my mother.

As I crawled and wriggled my way through breastfeeding and babywearing Hana in a ring sling while attending to Sethia's various needs and interests at the same time, my mother stood firm and walked patiently with me, on top of handling all other domestic duties and chores meticulously.

My mother's presence exemplified soundly what Adi wrote some time ago, that parenting is not about giving our children the best of things, nor it is about how capable we are, but it is about giving our children our own selves, in the circumstances that God providentially puts us in.

Her presence made me reflect that mothering young children is not simply about ...

Breastfeeding exclusively: My mother never breastfed exclusively, but she respected my grandmother's wishes that a newborn had to be fed based on a one-hourly schedule, and thus had to be supplemented;

Nor it is about wearing your baby with expertise: Too awkward to use 'selendang' [Indonesian traditional baby carrier], she rocked and sang to sleep one-year-old me - probably weighing 10-12 kg then - up and down the staircase, with only her bare hands;

Nor it is about joyfully co-sleeping with our little ones: She lived - not always pleased but certainly with a lot of consideration and thoughtfulness - with three of her in-laws, for almost 25 years of her marriage. In a packed hotel room, she would give the bed up for four of her children and chose the floor instead.

The above, and some other parenting tenets, are beautiful and right in themselves; they will be helpful guides to my parenting, but without grace, mercy, and sacrificial love, they will count as nothing.

Yesterday, before Mama left for the airport, we read 2 Tim. 1: 1-7 in our morning family worship:

"Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus, To Timothy, my dearly beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day; Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy; When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also. Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

What a delightful comfort to have such a fitting reading. My mother had been unceasingly praying for us day and night, that "the LORD Jesus be present in this home." She read this passage with tears in her eyes, expressing her own desire to see Sethia and Hana again. We thank GOD for her faith, and we thank HIM who promises and covenants that He Himself will keep the very faith from generation to generation.

Terima kasih sedalam-dalamnya, Ma. Engkau yang penuh rahmat.
[Thank you from our heart, Ma. You are full of grace].

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing - 1 Cor. 13:1-3

Video upload testing 2: Teasing after nap :)

Video upload testing: Meal-time teasing ;)

Recollection of Sethia's first month

Week 39 Day 3

 "To give life to another always means coming to the end of yourself." - 8 March 2011

 As I recollected my first month with Sethia last year, I was stirred up to feel small & vulnerable all over again. May GOD help this little Mama once again, as He did so faithfully.

 --

 Nothing has brought me to my knees in prayers every morning like this journey of motherhood. Lord, grant me grace for today. Amen. (28 March)

 Never felt more motherly than when Sethia refuses to sleep anywhere but in my arms [with the help of sling thankfully]. :) (27 March)

 I have had my ideals of being a mother; it's humbling to know that I am far from my ideals. And it takes another step to be content about it. (25 March)

Sethia: "When I cry, dear Lord, be near me." As you grow stronger, Sethia, Mama will too. (17 March) I am losing patience and joy of motherhood. Please pray for me... (15 March)

"This breaking down of my mood and my ability to cope is not all lost and pointless. In my fragility I am tasting the world that is my baby’s. Laying in my arms a tiny gift of helplessness, God lets me feel helplessness myself. As my baby is ripening, my heart is softening. ... The busy, chipper polish is ground down to a tender place, a place where I will have empathy and compassion on a little one who will also struggle with clothes and cry, so small, not even in control of the universe enough to change a milk-soaked T-shirt. As you get stronger, my baby, I will too; we are together." Mrs. Parunak, http://pursuingtitus2.com/2011/02/22/salt-water/(8 March)

 Rely only on His grace. (5 March)

One month after turning one

Precisely on his first birthday, Sethia took steady steps around dining hall. A spectacle that amused and surprised more himself than others. It was only five to eight tentative steps just the day before. Ever since, nothing can hinder his freedom. No one is able to hold him on laps against his will, no matter how affectionately huggy the person feels. He now appears to be up just about anything, except lying still.

Already bending down or squatting to pick something, or walking backwards for few steps, he also seems impatient at being unable yet to run or jump. This desire is shown more clearly during his play-catch time with Papa. Some other things that offer great fun to him: hiding behind the kitchen curtain or a door playing peek-a-boo, pretending to stand by the door and waving 'Ta-ta' [Bye-bye], swaying & singing along with cheerful music & attempting to imitate song movements, some of these melodies are: Topi Saya Bundar [My Hat is Round] (holding his head closely with both hands), Belalai Gajah yang Panjang [The Elephant's Long Trunk] (streching his hands upwards at the lyric 'Tuhan Penciptanya' [God is its Creator]), & Eensy-weensy Spider (using his index finger pointing into his palm).

After a brief moment of solitary play with his car-toys - a collection which began because of an obssession with wheels - he would pick a book & graciously take it to us to be read. One of his favourite books is "Flip-the-Flap'' Animal Book. His favourite videos are also on animals: Baby Einstein: Neighbourhood animals, Baby Noah, Animal Sounds for Toddlers, and such. The animal sounds he aptly mastered are "Grrrr, grrr" of bears & "Rawrrr!" of lions, that no matter how we tried showing him the sounds of cows and chickens and dogs and sheeps and many others, he would only be willing to do exclusively the 'Grr's & the 'Rawr's.

In family worship, singing Psalms is enjoyable to him, where he would sing along pointing randomly at the wordings on the Psalm book. Sometimes we manage to sit through reading of a short Scripture passage. But when it comes to praying, he would walk around the living room having some contorted effort apparent on his face trying to clasp both hands together. Our daily family worship never lasts more than ten minutes! Now he also has the habit on disappearing on us when we have to change his diaper/clothing. Another habit is to steal a sandal running away from us, giggling cheekily, knowing we would soon chase the 'thief'.

Of all things, one thing he seems to understand immensely is showmanship. Give him a clap or laugh at what he does and we will be rewarded with multiple encores. This attitude aids greatly during meal and learn-and-play times. A mouthful of food that gets a clap begets another mouthful; a successful attempt at sorting a shape-block that gets a clap begets patience to finish up sorting the whole package of shape-sorting cubes. On this occasion (on the video): Papa got kissed and everyone laughed and Papa got kissed again for the umpteenth time! :)

I feel that the list above deserves to be continued, and it will be for my personal note. The past one month may prove to be the richest, that I had wished I had photographic memory, or a camera for an eye, or stone-hard perseverance and meticulousness in  recording every thing that our little comedian does. Perhaps this coming year would have everything conceivable in the mind of one so little. Such love and joy of life that replenish themselves. Delight in everything. One thing I am greatly thankful for is that, as a mere stay-at-home mother, I am given the possibilities to keep him home near me as long and as often as I would like him to - especially in his early years. Here I would like to understand this myself, that even if I a lot of times stagger under feelings of inadequacy in taking care of Sethia myself - and God willing, his sister too - I should keep this in mind, that just being there for Sethia is enough. A good deal of what is trumpeted as being so beneficial and so necessary for children - organised activities, stimulation, socialisation with friends and then more friends - is in reality cannot replace the missing presence of a child's own parent for the large part of the child's day. 

Anna Wahlgren in her book "For the Love of Children" says that children can contend with external changes, moves, financial uncertainties, even all out war, as long as the flock it belongs to is fixed. Children can play and laugh among smoking ruins. Many of the Finnish "war children", who were sent to Sweden during the Second World War, have said that coming to live with strangers in a strange land, even though it was temporary and Sweden represented security and survival, was far worse than having to suffer deprivation and nightly air-raids with their parents.

We may read more information in: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finnish_war_children. I have also recommended the movie Mother of Mine (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0343221/) to Adi & persuaded him to watch it together. :)

Anna writes on another page: "I know my words offer little comfort to those parents who, for easily explained socio-political and economic reasons, are convinced that staying home with their children for the first years is impossible. All I can say is that they are lacking in the one area that is essential: being there for their child and forming a flock that is always accessible. If people who fall in love can give up opulent houses, sacrifice in terms of both salary and prestige and squeeze into bachelor apartment in one of the less desirable areas of town, all so that they can live together, why can't they do it for their little child? It is called prioritising!"

PS! In Norway there is a custom where parents send their children to 'barnehage' [child care] at an age as early as one year old. I used to think that this was the common attitude of all parents in Norway, until a mother of three I know so well voiced her opinion, "Oh, no, no, no, keep him at home as long as you can. Eight-to-four five-days-a-week is already hard work for us, adults, further more to children as little as him [Sethia]!" I was instantly relieved and hopeful. :)

In Singapore & Indonesia, if both parents work, grandparents/maids/nannies will take care of the children as young as a few months old. The children then can go to child care when they are older.

26 January 2011 A Month to A Year

26 January 2006 A Month to A Year

Today is my little sister's birthday, which marks a month before Sethia's birthday.

I think little people of half-year old and on the verge of turning one are a delight to be around. Their personalities are blossoming, these little people are developing so intensely, and the spectacles that they do are interesting for them as well as for those around them. Sethia does that to me; everyday is a delight. :)

He learned to flip, wriggle his butts in preparation to crawl, stand, cruise, and finally to stand on his own. I learned to fight knee-jerk reactions and get steady nerves as he learned, and as he became more confident and skillful in his inquiring endeavours to roam the house and its contents, I too learned to enjoy this little fellow who followed me everywhere - even to the toilet. :)

Waking up time is often a joy. I am always welcome with a grin as I enter the bedroom upon hearing his call. As if the reunion after every daily nap is a grand affair. Can anyone fall in love all over again every time he sees you? Sethia does that to me. :)

Waking hours are much joy too as he "participates" in many household activities. I love how he clings on to my legs as I cook; I love how he unloads with passion the basketful of laundry ready to be hung, I love how he finds his own sock in the basket, carries it everywhere with him (in his mouth as he crawls!) and refuses to give it back as if he has found a treasure; I love how he debates animatedly with a doll, and laughs gleefully as he tosses the doll about >.<; I love how he waves and says bye to his own reflection when he passes by a mirror. I love being with this little man. :')

As he approached his seventh month, I was mindful of what other mothers warned me: stranger anxiety. But the eight month had been here, ninth month, and so on, and this anxiety never came. My son looks forward to parties, enjoys the company of a crowd, and loves any encounters on the road and at the bus stops and in the supermarkets, sometimes to his complete confusion when he gets cold responses. Well, in my opinion, adults who do not respond to any enthusiastic baby saying a hello do it to their own loss, not to the baby's at all - don't you think so, too? ;)

His past routines were a little disrupted as he became more mobile. Days were quite hectic then: no regular nap times, no meals were finished, etc. I am thankful that this happened mostly when my sister, Yoanna, was around with us for about a month; God does send His help most timely! :) People said it was the excitement and energy spent for the new-found abilities and tasks, and the child would finally adapt. I have been watching and waiting, and I am quite certain new routines are developing, and all the calm is slowly back again.

With our second child making her way home soon, God willing, I tremble a bit at the thought how I can possibly love Sethia's little sister as much as I love Sethia, how I can give as much attention to both as much as when I had only one. There is this thing about parents with several children or many, people ask them, "How can you possibly have time for all?" Some will make remarks, "Pity the children, each of them needs her full attention!"

But then I think love is not like a cake that's cut up and portioned out until there is no more. Love grows with each child that's born. I don't take half the love I feel for Sethia and give it to his little sister. A senior mother said, "When one has two children, it does not mean we will be twice as busy, but rather exponentially busier. Every time you add a child to your family, you are not just increasing the total sum - you are exponentially increasing. But then, your love will too." :) I would like to add, "Yes, amen, by His grace alone."

This reminds me of what I wrote about God's love sometime back: "This is probably one of the hardest things for me to comprehend. In my competitive world, I am so used to thinking in terms of 'more' and 'less' that I cannot easily see how God can love all human beings with the same unlimited love while at the same time loving each one of them in a totally unique way. Somehow I feel that others' election involves my rejection, that others' uniqueness involves my commonness. Somehow I think I can only fully enjoy my being loved by God if others are loved less than I am - all in my terms."

Yes, the first thing I learned in my short journey of motherhood - of a year, that is - and will continue to learn, is love. The second is, to forget myself. I lost the freedom to do what I want, when I want, in the way I want, but is that really a big loss? I learned to be less self-absorbed and forget about my needs, and put this little person above me. The next is, to be softer, more tender, more sympathizing towards other mothers. I am sure other mothers will understand and relate to this.

Lastly it is humililty, humility, and humility! That motherhood, besides enriching any willing woman, should humble us. That we are never deserving, we are unable, and we fail, but God's grace is sufficient. If this does not yet humble us, God will make certain it does. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above (James 1:17).

So I await Sethia's first birthday with joy. Then we will be together with our beloved church in Singapore, and celebrating it with families and relatives in Indonesia, God willing. :)

A boy - and a girl, God willing

Sethia is going to have a little sister, God willing. :)

I had to be reassured at the second appointment by the doctor of the gender of the baby. He confirmed that the little one I am carrying now in my womb just had to be a girl by explaining the details of her sex organ - the characteristics/attributes that make it differ to one of a boy's. How is this significant, this gender distinction, don't you think so. :)

Almost as concurrently as we discovered the gender of our second child, we found what Patricia Lewis wrote in her column (http://www.wnd.com/2011/05/304173/) :

"There are those who believe gender stereotypes are bad. Men shouldn’t embrace their roles as protectors. Women shouldn’t embrace their roles as nurturers. But how does this affect society as a whole?

It screws people up, that’s how.

A friend and I were recently discussing the issue of marriageable men, or the lack thereof. This woman has two sisters in their 20s who are interested in finding a nice fellow and settling down to raise a family. But the women are unable to find a man interested in anything except the most superficial of relationships because the men don’t have the maturity to take on their traditional roles. This is not an uncommon complaint amongst unmarried women. To be fair, there are far too many young women who also lack the maturity to take on their traditional roles. These problems, I believe, can be laid firmly at the feet of an increasingly genderless society.

So what, you may ask, is the big deal if we blur the distinction between genders? The “big deal” is that by doing so, we raise young people unequipped and unprepared to step into their hard-wired biological roles when they reach adulthood. We have men unable or unwilling to support a wife and children, but who have no problem procreating indiscriminately. We have women unable or unwilling to marry a dependable, responsible man, but who also have no problem procreating indiscriminately.

The issue is much larger and more important than some New Age family bleating about gender roles. Biological traits are there for a reason. Conforming to our innate roles insures that our society and its base unit – the family – will continue to raise stable, well-adjusted children who (let’s admit it) aren’t likely to have confusion issues about their genders or their roles.

The thing about children is their instincts must be guided. Any parent knows boys and girls are different. Boys are physical. They roughhouse, tease girls, play pranks and revel in their scrapes and injuries. Girls are verbal. They form close friendships, play with dolls and pretend to keep house. (Remember, I’m talking generalities. There will always be quiet, studious boys and rough-and-tumble girls.)

But those instinctive behaviors must be guided appropriately. That’s why role models (usually in the form of parents) are so necessary. Traditionally, men taught their sons to channel their energies in acceptable ways. This included learning a trade, being protective of women and children, and preparing to take on their adult roles as husbands and fathers. Women taught their daughters to nurture children and keep the home. Husbands and wives balanced each others’ strengths and weaknesses.

What’s in vogue today is to teach children that their gender-specific instincts are wrong. Boys are punished for being rambunctious and restless in school. Girls are ridiculed for wanting to embrace the home. Children become confused when their instincts conflict with what they’re being taught, either at school, at home, or in society.

Role modeling has changed. Parents are no longer able or willing to teach their children the appropriate behaviors for their genders. Indeed, many parents are not even there; absent fathers and working mothers have wreaked havoc with the family structure, leaving children bewildered and cut adrift. The result is generations of angry young men and women who carry out their destructive behavior into the next generation.

Referring back to the opening statement – that if you really want to get to know someone, you don’t ask what’s between their legs – I strongly disagree. What’s between everyone’s legs is wildly important. It defines God’s purpose for you. Did He make you male or female? I’m grateful – not hostile – that He made me the latter.

Reinventing the wheel doesn’t change the innate perfection of that wheel, no matter how progressively you redefine it. A square wheel doesn’t roll, and gender-confused children will never be able to reach their full potential by denying God’s plan."

What a good sense. And I would love to read more of her thought-provoking writings more thoughtfully. :)

Ji Yoanna

The 3-week Nanny, Sethia's Mama's-little-sister Aunt: He adores her immediately. :)

A Ride

To Papa, 

 On whose shoulders we ride.

With love,
Mama & Sethia

Adi and Sethia

Adi and Sethia by the stream of Bymarka

These two - they are God's strength and joy to me. They are the two who make me who I am. My identity is found, by God's grace, in being Adi's wife and Sethia's mother. They are God's very calling to me. :)

Rachel Jankovic writes in "Loving the Little Years":

The world has very muddled perception of "self". They think and tell us to think that we are all little separate entities who might need to go off somewhere to get to know "ourselves", or that a mother needs to get back to her corporate world to be herself again. Marriages break up because people don't know who they are anymore. They need to find themselves.

But the Christian view of self is very different, and you need to make sure that it is the one you have. We are like characters in a story. Our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be discovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognise yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out - look at the people who made you what you are - your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.

Those women who try to find themselves by stripping away the "others", will find that they are a broken little thing. This will lead them to resent the people who they think made them that way. She may say, "I used to be so energetic, but all these people take, take, take from me and now I have no time to just be me!" And the world gathers around and comforts her and says she needs some time to follow her dreams.

But the Christian woman needs to see, "I used to be so boring! Now my character has some depth, some people to love, some hardships to bear. Now I have some material to work with." A Christian woman's view is always forward and never back. Your identity is to be found and resting in other people.

Let me try this from different angle. As married Christian women, our identity is in our husbands. We are their helpmeets. Our calling is people-orientated. It follows that you cannot know what your calling is until you know who your calling is. Until you are married, you are not tied to a specific person. Marriage reorients you entirely. Children do even more. Then it is your calling to help your husband by raising these little people. People, people everywhere and no time for yourself. But remember this is your calling. It belongs to you. They belong to you. These people are you.

Review dari masukan Pupung/Ibu SE

6-8 bulan: Bubur yg tinggal diseduh; puree buah: Nestle, Smafolk, Hipp

Pung, Sethia sejak 4.5 bulanan sudah stabil 5 feedings per day, & benar kata helsesoster SE, dia tidur through the night. Awal2 masih susu 5x, trus pelan2 kasi bubur, 1x, 2x, & sekarang (usia 6.5bln) sudah 3x bubur (spt dibawah) krn kl cuma sekali/2x Sethia pasti bangun jam 3/4am krn lapar (Babies are amazing! How can they have such a bodyclock! :P)

Sethia 6.5 bulan-skrg
8am: susu
11am: puree buah + air putih
2 pm: risgrot + air putih
5 pm: susu
8pm: godnatt grot + air putih

(8bln: use normal cooked rice, rebus sampai lebih halus)

Grace liat, 9 bulan sudah solid semua ya...

9bln:
8am: bubur + susu
11am: roti 2 3 kuadran (see: http://blogg.f-b.no/heidiw/files/2011/05/merking-av-br%C3%B8d1.gif) (dgn pisang/selai beri/keju) + susu
2pm: buah (boleh kasi yoghurt stlh 10 bulan)
5pm: homemade meal
730pm: bubur malam, susu

RESEP:

1. Pasta pene, daging cincang (sapi/ayam), tomat, sayur (wortel/brokoli/jamur) direbus bersama, keju parmesan (10bln)

2. Bubur Manado: Nasi, sayur2an (esp. Bayam), daging2an

3. Havregryn: Rebus sayur+daging, campur dgn Havregryn di mangkok

4. Sup nasi/kentang, sayur2an, daging2an (berkuah)

5. Havregryn: bisa campur dgn yoghurt/buah/dll http://www.norskhavre.no/nor/Produkter/AXA-BJOERN-Havregryn-Store

(Note: Alternate antara nasi, kentang, pasta, havregryn)
(Note2: utk Telur, coba kuningnya dulu -> roti/kue mengandung kuning telur -> kuning+putihnya)

BTW, resep2 ini utk 9 bulan ke atas ya, Pung?

Many, many thanks! :)

Growing Needs

This little guy, as he surprises us by touching his toes, also suddenly refuses to drink from his bottle; he tried out a cup once this morning, and this little experiment made him grin from ear to ear. He is also giving up the habit of lying on his pram and has asked to be sitted instead.

When these kinds of things happen, I pray that I will be able to see this as growth, where I have to be thankful and appreciate these as growing needs. A lot of times I feel, as Sethia expresses his needs for growing, I too need to grow as I adjust to these needs. May God grant this growth for him, and for me too.

Sethia at 5+ months:

1. Manages unassisted & stable sitting when propped up by his hands.
2. Shows no interest in rolling over. :P When we lie down or put a toy on his side, he would only glance sideways, turn just a little bit, and put no effort further. :P
3. When encouraged to crawl during time spent on his belly, he sticks up his butts. :)
4. Turns to Papa/Mama when read to - or when he wishes to be picked up, stretching his hands forth. Mama always becomes touchy whenever he does this. :')
5. Loves to have his chin chewed playfully, if he has any chin. :P

Day 22.

Day 22.

Sethia's bowel movement has been once a day as usual ever since Sunday. :)

Prescription: Risgrøt (rice porridge).

Lessons learnt:

1. Perhaps there are nothing else that make one pray more meticulously, particularly, and desperately, than having our little ones ill.

2. A baby needs a full tummy - and a calm mother.

As a sister well-said it: "There will be more things to worry..., try to take every hurdle an exercise to manage your parenting worries. Believe me, problems grow as they grow." Thanks, Eu. :)

"Does the road wind up-hill all the way?
... Yes, to the very end.
Will the day's journey take the whole long day?
From morn to night, my friend."
- Uphill, Christina Rosseti

3. There are more than physical benefits to trust my own husband above friends, parents, even nurses and doctors! :'P

Baby Poop: What parents need to know

Day. 17. Day 17. About Baby Poop: Must "arm [myself] with the knowledge of what's normal and what's not. ... and teach [myself] a thing or two." :)

Thank you, Santi Effendi, for the wonderful article. It helps put my mind to rest. :)

"... On the other hand, bacteria may have the opposite result. As a baby matures, more and more bacteria populate the gut. They are important to the digestion process and are one of the reason baby stool changes in character over the first few months of life. But as their numbers increase, the body eliminates more and more of them in the stool. Stool bulk increases as the number of bacteria increases, and increased stool bulk leads to more frequent bowel movements. ..."

Get well soon, Son!

It is Day 6 of Sethia's frequent bowel movements. Doctor at ED said this condition will likely be remedied with time. I am still very anxious. How long can the extended period of time be for this condition to persist? I am definitely remarkably "unskilled" at waiting for him to get back to normal...

It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.(Lam 3:26)

My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.(Psa. 5:3)

Mucus in Baby's Stool
Signs of Teething Diarrhea in Young Infants
Diarrhea (Baby Center)