Recollection of Sethia's first month

Week 39 Day 3

 "To give life to another always means coming to the end of yourself." - 8 March 2011

 As I recollected my first month with Sethia last year, I was stirred up to feel small & vulnerable all over again. May GOD help this little Mama once again, as He did so faithfully.

 --

 Nothing has brought me to my knees in prayers every morning like this journey of motherhood. Lord, grant me grace for today. Amen. (28 March)

 Never felt more motherly than when Sethia refuses to sleep anywhere but in my arms [with the help of sling thankfully]. :) (27 March)

 I have had my ideals of being a mother; it's humbling to know that I am far from my ideals. And it takes another step to be content about it. (25 March)

Sethia: "When I cry, dear Lord, be near me." As you grow stronger, Sethia, Mama will too. (17 March) I am losing patience and joy of motherhood. Please pray for me... (15 March)

"This breaking down of my mood and my ability to cope is not all lost and pointless. In my fragility I am tasting the world that is my baby’s. Laying in my arms a tiny gift of helplessness, God lets me feel helplessness myself. As my baby is ripening, my heart is softening. ... The busy, chipper polish is ground down to a tender place, a place where I will have empathy and compassion on a little one who will also struggle with clothes and cry, so small, not even in control of the universe enough to change a milk-soaked T-shirt. As you get stronger, my baby, I will too; we are together." Mrs. Parunak, http://pursuingtitus2.com/2011/02/22/salt-water/(8 March)

 Rely only on His grace. (5 March)

Week 39: Head, shoulders, knees - and toes!

Week 39

 "Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes;
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes,
and eyes and ears and mouth and nose;
Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes!"

 "Necessity is the mother of invention. When you have a second child, you might be in a situation where you are the only one who manages both children daily. Sometimes the older child will wait, sometimes the baby will. Other times, you will learn to tend to the needs of both simultaneously. These times you will find your arms and shoulders extended, or your head has grown another eye on its back, or your feet have extra toes for gripping things."

I hope so. ;)

"With prayer to God - that He will let this awaited daughter drink the air of this physical world, and also drink the spirit of the invisible world, the coming Kingdom of Christ." - E.F.


"Sing to the tune "London Bridge":

Head and shoulders
Knees and toes (3x)
Head and shoulders
Knees and toes
All from/for Jesus!" - E.C

 

One month after turning one

Precisely on his first birthday, Sethia took steady steps around dining hall. A spectacle that amused and surprised more himself than others. It was only five to eight tentative steps just the day before. Ever since, nothing can hinder his freedom. No one is able to hold him on laps against his will, no matter how affectionately huggy the person feels. He now appears to be up just about anything, except lying still.

Already bending down or squatting to pick something, or walking backwards for few steps, he also seems impatient at being unable yet to run or jump. This desire is shown more clearly during his play-catch time with Papa. Some other things that offer great fun to him: hiding behind the kitchen curtain or a door playing peek-a-boo, pretending to stand by the door and waving 'Ta-ta' [Bye-bye], swaying & singing along with cheerful music & attempting to imitate song movements, some of these melodies are: Topi Saya Bundar [My Hat is Round] (holding his head closely with both hands), Belalai Gajah yang Panjang [The Elephant's Long Trunk] (streching his hands upwards at the lyric 'Tuhan Penciptanya' [God is its Creator]), & Eensy-weensy Spider (using his index finger pointing into his palm).

After a brief moment of solitary play with his car-toys - a collection which began because of an obssession with wheels - he would pick a book & graciously take it to us to be read. One of his favourite books is "Flip-the-Flap'' Animal Book. His favourite videos are also on animals: Baby Einstein: Neighbourhood animals, Baby Noah, Animal Sounds for Toddlers, and such. The animal sounds he aptly mastered are "Grrrr, grrr" of bears & "Rawrrr!" of lions, that no matter how we tried showing him the sounds of cows and chickens and dogs and sheeps and many others, he would only be willing to do exclusively the 'Grr's & the 'Rawr's.

In family worship, singing Psalms is enjoyable to him, where he would sing along pointing randomly at the wordings on the Psalm book. Sometimes we manage to sit through reading of a short Scripture passage. But when it comes to praying, he would walk around the living room having some contorted effort apparent on his face trying to clasp both hands together. Our daily family worship never lasts more than ten minutes! Now he also has the habit on disappearing on us when we have to change his diaper/clothing. Another habit is to steal a sandal running away from us, giggling cheekily, knowing we would soon chase the 'thief'.

Of all things, one thing he seems to understand immensely is showmanship. Give him a clap or laugh at what he does and we will be rewarded with multiple encores. This attitude aids greatly during meal and learn-and-play times. A mouthful of food that gets a clap begets another mouthful; a successful attempt at sorting a shape-block that gets a clap begets patience to finish up sorting the whole package of shape-sorting cubes. On this occasion (on the video): Papa got kissed and everyone laughed and Papa got kissed again for the umpteenth time! :)

I feel that the list above deserves to be continued, and it will be for my personal note. The past one month may prove to be the richest, that I had wished I had photographic memory, or a camera for an eye, or stone-hard perseverance and meticulousness in  recording every thing that our little comedian does. Perhaps this coming year would have everything conceivable in the mind of one so little. Such love and joy of life that replenish themselves. Delight in everything. One thing I am greatly thankful for is that, as a mere stay-at-home mother, I am given the possibilities to keep him home near me as long and as often as I would like him to - especially in his early years. Here I would like to understand this myself, that even if I a lot of times stagger under feelings of inadequacy in taking care of Sethia myself - and God willing, his sister too - I should keep this in mind, that just being there for Sethia is enough. A good deal of what is trumpeted as being so beneficial and so necessary for children - organised activities, stimulation, socialisation with friends and then more friends - is in reality cannot replace the missing presence of a child's own parent for the large part of the child's day. 

Anna Wahlgren in her book "For the Love of Children" says that children can contend with external changes, moves, financial uncertainties, even all out war, as long as the flock it belongs to is fixed. Children can play and laugh among smoking ruins. Many of the Finnish "war children", who were sent to Sweden during the Second World War, have said that coming to live with strangers in a strange land, even though it was temporary and Sweden represented security and survival, was far worse than having to suffer deprivation and nightly air-raids with their parents.

We may read more information in: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finnish_war_children. I have also recommended the movie Mother of Mine (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0343221/) to Adi & persuaded him to watch it together. :)

Anna writes on another page: "I know my words offer little comfort to those parents who, for easily explained socio-political and economic reasons, are convinced that staying home with their children for the first years is impossible. All I can say is that they are lacking in the one area that is essential: being there for their child and forming a flock that is always accessible. If people who fall in love can give up opulent houses, sacrifice in terms of both salary and prestige and squeeze into bachelor apartment in one of the less desirable areas of town, all so that they can live together, why can't they do it for their little child? It is called prioritising!"

PS! In Norway there is a custom where parents send their children to 'barnehage' [child care] at an age as early as one year old. I used to think that this was the common attitude of all parents in Norway, until a mother of three I know so well voiced her opinion, "Oh, no, no, no, keep him at home as long as you can. Eight-to-four five-days-a-week is already hard work for us, adults, further more to children as little as him [Sethia]!" I was instantly relieved and hopeful. :)

In Singapore & Indonesia, if both parents work, grandparents/maids/nannies will take care of the children as young as a few months old. The children then can go to child care when they are older.

24 Week Ultrasound

This is our little girl, can you recognise her (2D ultrasound) face profile? The midwife said she purposely faced upwards in order to say hello! :)

31 Jan 2012, 24 Weeks:
I need His mercy on my carrying a child.
I need His mercy on my laboring and giving birth.
I need His mercy on my mothering.
Because I may carry and I may labor and I may care,
but only God gives life and growth.

26 January 2011 A Month to A Year

26 January 2006 A Month to A Year

Today is my little sister's birthday, which marks a month before Sethia's birthday.

I think little people of half-year old and on the verge of turning one are a delight to be around. Their personalities are blossoming, these little people are developing so intensely, and the spectacles that they do are interesting for them as well as for those around them. Sethia does that to me; everyday is a delight. :)

He learned to flip, wriggle his butts in preparation to crawl, stand, cruise, and finally to stand on his own. I learned to fight knee-jerk reactions and get steady nerves as he learned, and as he became more confident and skillful in his inquiring endeavours to roam the house and its contents, I too learned to enjoy this little fellow who followed me everywhere - even to the toilet. :)

Waking up time is often a joy. I am always welcome with a grin as I enter the bedroom upon hearing his call. As if the reunion after every daily nap is a grand affair. Can anyone fall in love all over again every time he sees you? Sethia does that to me. :)

Waking hours are much joy too as he "participates" in many household activities. I love how he clings on to my legs as I cook; I love how he unloads with passion the basketful of laundry ready to be hung, I love how he finds his own sock in the basket, carries it everywhere with him (in his mouth as he crawls!) and refuses to give it back as if he has found a treasure; I love how he debates animatedly with a doll, and laughs gleefully as he tosses the doll about >.<; I love how he waves and says bye to his own reflection when he passes by a mirror. I love being with this little man. :')

As he approached his seventh month, I was mindful of what other mothers warned me: stranger anxiety. But the eight month had been here, ninth month, and so on, and this anxiety never came. My son looks forward to parties, enjoys the company of a crowd, and loves any encounters on the road and at the bus stops and in the supermarkets, sometimes to his complete confusion when he gets cold responses. Well, in my opinion, adults who do not respond to any enthusiastic baby saying a hello do it to their own loss, not to the baby's at all - don't you think so, too? ;)

His past routines were a little disrupted as he became more mobile. Days were quite hectic then: no regular nap times, no meals were finished, etc. I am thankful that this happened mostly when my sister, Yoanna, was around with us for about a month; God does send His help most timely! :) People said it was the excitement and energy spent for the new-found abilities and tasks, and the child would finally adapt. I have been watching and waiting, and I am quite certain new routines are developing, and all the calm is slowly back again.

With our second child making her way home soon, God willing, I tremble a bit at the thought how I can possibly love Sethia's little sister as much as I love Sethia, how I can give as much attention to both as much as when I had only one. There is this thing about parents with several children or many, people ask them, "How can you possibly have time for all?" Some will make remarks, "Pity the children, each of them needs her full attention!"

But then I think love is not like a cake that's cut up and portioned out until there is no more. Love grows with each child that's born. I don't take half the love I feel for Sethia and give it to his little sister. A senior mother said, "When one has two children, it does not mean we will be twice as busy, but rather exponentially busier. Every time you add a child to your family, you are not just increasing the total sum - you are exponentially increasing. But then, your love will too." :) I would like to add, "Yes, amen, by His grace alone."

This reminds me of what I wrote about God's love sometime back: "This is probably one of the hardest things for me to comprehend. In my competitive world, I am so used to thinking in terms of 'more' and 'less' that I cannot easily see how God can love all human beings with the same unlimited love while at the same time loving each one of them in a totally unique way. Somehow I feel that others' election involves my rejection, that others' uniqueness involves my commonness. Somehow I think I can only fully enjoy my being loved by God if others are loved less than I am - all in my terms."

Yes, the first thing I learned in my short journey of motherhood - of a year, that is - and will continue to learn, is love. The second is, to forget myself. I lost the freedom to do what I want, when I want, in the way I want, but is that really a big loss? I learned to be less self-absorbed and forget about my needs, and put this little person above me. The next is, to be softer, more tender, more sympathizing towards other mothers. I am sure other mothers will understand and relate to this.

Lastly it is humililty, humility, and humility! That motherhood, besides enriching any willing woman, should humble us. That we are never deserving, we are unable, and we fail, but God's grace is sufficient. If this does not yet humble us, God will make certain it does. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above (James 1:17).

So I await Sethia's first birthday with joy. Then we will be together with our beloved church in Singapore, and celebrating it with families and relatives in Indonesia, God willing. :)

Gender Roles in Prep

"Please don't misunderstand -- if a boy wants to play with dolls or a girl wants to play with trucks, it would never cross my mind to discourage him or her. Unless parents are anal in the other direction -- in other words, like über-macho dads who try to bully their sons into being über-macho as well -- then most kids will naturally gravitate toward toys of their gender. But some won't. Girls are usually the ones drawn to ballet, for example, but that doesn't mean there are not superb male danseurs. Boys are usually drawn to football, but that doesn't mean girls don't enjoy playing the sport as well.

There is unquestionably a continuum of gender influence among people. Some men are tough bad boys. Some men are gentle nurturers. Some women are tough bad girls. Some women are gentle nurturers. But most of us are blends of toughness and gentleness. It takes all kinds in this world, and we're all different."

(http://www.rural-revolution.com/2011/05/vaguely-nauseating.html)

"But if you have a society of pansy-boys and bulldog-girls who have no understanding or (more importantly) appreciation for their biological destinies, then you’ve lost the critical infrastructure that has allowed societies and cultures to flourish for thousands of years.

I believe both genders should be able to cross the gender divide in order to perform whatever functions are necessary. It is useful if both genders can cook a meal, bandage a wound, shoot a gun, bury the dead, console the grieving, preach a sermon, clean a house, grow a garden, butcher a steer, etc. In other words, in a Prepper situation, both genders have to be able to do what must be done. The list is endless.

But within this list, it’s necessary to understand that there are certain things men will do better than women, and vice-versa. That’s just the way we’re built, and those strengths should be recognized, embraced, and appreciated (by both genders)."

(http://www.rural-revolution.com/2012/01/gender-roles-in-prepping.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+RuralRevolution+%28Rural+Revolution%29)

-- Patrice Lewis

A boy - and a girl, God willing

Sethia is going to have a little sister, God willing. :)

I had to be reassured at the second appointment by the doctor of the gender of the baby. He confirmed that the little one I am carrying now in my womb just had to be a girl by explaining the details of her sex organ - the characteristics/attributes that make it differ to one of a boy's. How is this significant, this gender distinction, don't you think so. :)

Almost as concurrently as we discovered the gender of our second child, we found what Patricia Lewis wrote in her column (http://www.wnd.com/2011/05/304173/) :

"There are those who believe gender stereotypes are bad. Men shouldn’t embrace their roles as protectors. Women shouldn’t embrace their roles as nurturers. But how does this affect society as a whole?

It screws people up, that’s how.

A friend and I were recently discussing the issue of marriageable men, or the lack thereof. This woman has two sisters in their 20s who are interested in finding a nice fellow and settling down to raise a family. But the women are unable to find a man interested in anything except the most superficial of relationships because the men don’t have the maturity to take on their traditional roles. This is not an uncommon complaint amongst unmarried women. To be fair, there are far too many young women who also lack the maturity to take on their traditional roles. These problems, I believe, can be laid firmly at the feet of an increasingly genderless society.

So what, you may ask, is the big deal if we blur the distinction between genders? The “big deal” is that by doing so, we raise young people unequipped and unprepared to step into their hard-wired biological roles when they reach adulthood. We have men unable or unwilling to support a wife and children, but who have no problem procreating indiscriminately. We have women unable or unwilling to marry a dependable, responsible man, but who also have no problem procreating indiscriminately.

The issue is much larger and more important than some New Age family bleating about gender roles. Biological traits are there for a reason. Conforming to our innate roles insures that our society and its base unit – the family – will continue to raise stable, well-adjusted children who (let’s admit it) aren’t likely to have confusion issues about their genders or their roles.

The thing about children is their instincts must be guided. Any parent knows boys and girls are different. Boys are physical. They roughhouse, tease girls, play pranks and revel in their scrapes and injuries. Girls are verbal. They form close friendships, play with dolls and pretend to keep house. (Remember, I’m talking generalities. There will always be quiet, studious boys and rough-and-tumble girls.)

But those instinctive behaviors must be guided appropriately. That’s why role models (usually in the form of parents) are so necessary. Traditionally, men taught their sons to channel their energies in acceptable ways. This included learning a trade, being protective of women and children, and preparing to take on their adult roles as husbands and fathers. Women taught their daughters to nurture children and keep the home. Husbands and wives balanced each others’ strengths and weaknesses.

What’s in vogue today is to teach children that their gender-specific instincts are wrong. Boys are punished for being rambunctious and restless in school. Girls are ridiculed for wanting to embrace the home. Children become confused when their instincts conflict with what they’re being taught, either at school, at home, or in society.

Role modeling has changed. Parents are no longer able or willing to teach their children the appropriate behaviors for their genders. Indeed, many parents are not even there; absent fathers and working mothers have wreaked havoc with the family structure, leaving children bewildered and cut adrift. The result is generations of angry young men and women who carry out their destructive behavior into the next generation.

Referring back to the opening statement – that if you really want to get to know someone, you don’t ask what’s between their legs – I strongly disagree. What’s between everyone’s legs is wildly important. It defines God’s purpose for you. Did He make you male or female? I’m grateful – not hostile – that He made me the latter.

Reinventing the wheel doesn’t change the innate perfection of that wheel, no matter how progressively you redefine it. A square wheel doesn’t roll, and gender-confused children will never be able to reach their full potential by denying God’s plan."

What a good sense. And I would love to read more of her thought-provoking writings more thoughtfully. :)

"In marriage we don't attempt to please each other; our attempts are to please God, that we might please each other."

"Any husband, regardless of his disposition, has to lead. Any wife, regardless of her abilities, has to submit. In this manner, any husband and wife will be complementary to each other, if only they were willing to obey the Word of God."

- Adi Kurniawan

Year 2012: Row Row Row Your Boat

"Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a dream."

Through the changing seasons, may we grow old together.

John and Mary Winthrop

MOST DEAR AND LOVING HUSBAND, I cannot express my love to you, as I desire, in these poor, lifeless lines; but I do heartily wish you did see my heart, how true and faithful it is to you, and how much I do desire to be always with you, to enjoy the sweet comfort of your presence, and those helps from you in spiritual and temporal duties, which I am so unfit to perform without you. It makes to see the want of you, and wish myself with you. But I desire we may be guided by God in all our ways, who is able to direct us for the best; and so I will wait upon him with patience, who is all-sufficient for me.

--Mary Winthrop to her husband John Winthrop

Therefore let us choose life, and we, and our seeds, may live; by obeying his voice, and cleaving to him [as we cleave to each other], for he is our life, and our prosperity.

--John Winthrop

I look forward to another blessed year and a lifetime with each other.

Adonan Ikan Se'I Goreng Tepung

For 1.2 kg Se I Fish,

2 tsp salt
2 sprinkles pepper
2 sprinkles buljong
200 gram wheat flour
2 egg white

Can an unhappy marriage be a successful marriage?

"Happiness is never the aim of marriage - service to God is. In fact, unhappiness can exist in a successful marriage: In this marriage, two people live together, with many unfulfilled needs - loving each other."

The paradox is, when one loves, she is happy. :)

Wingko

Ingredients:
 
1 egg (yolks and whites separated)
1 cup glutinous rice flour
1 cup grated coconut
3/4 cup granulated sugar
100 ml milk
100 ml coconut milk
180 ml vegetable oil
1 tsp salt
1 tbsp vanilla sugar or essence to taste

Baking Steps:
 
1. Mix sugar, grated coconut, milk, and coconut milk. To mix it more perfectly, warm in microwave around 1-1.5 minute.
2. Add to the mixture the glutinous rice flour, oil, vanilla sugar, salt, egg white. Stir evenly for about 5 minute with electric mixer. 
3. Pour dough into baking dish which has been covered with baking paper
4. Bake in the preheated oven of temperature 175 deg C until half cooked (around 30 min), then glaze the surface with egg yolk, bake again for another 30 min until thoroughly baked or the surface of the dough becomes golden yellow.

Tips:
 
When glazed with egg yolk, sprinkle sesame seeds for more attractive look and savory taste.

Ji Yoanna

The 3-week Nanny, Sethia's Mama's-little-sister Aunt: He adores her immediately. :)

What is important for me in your homemaking, is not so much in how well you do it, but in how you demonstrate love in and through it.